I haven’t been stable lately, my illness is usually a string of good days followed by a much longer string of bad days. I spent my holidays dealing with the chaos of hypermania which is followed by the sudden extreme crash into depression and anxiety so bad I couldn’t get out of bed this morning. My illness means I’m afraid of everything and everything can be a trigger. I don’t have safe spaces where I feel at ease, I don’t even know what it feels like to be at ease, I’m constantly on edge… It’s exhausting.
I spent 2 1/2 hours in a persistent panic attack, crying in a dark room, wondering if my existence was a burden because I can’t function as a normal person. I couldn’t talk to anyone except my closest friend because I felt like it was wrong to ask others for help when I’m not coping. I’m not saying any of this for sympathy, I don’t need that. I just want to be honest and less afraid of living my mess of a life, and feel like it’s okay to talk about my illness the same way someone else might talk about physical illness.
#talkingaboutit #mentalhealth #endthestigma #depression #anxiety #notokay