Posted in Diary of a Nervous Girl, Project 365

Welcome to Midnight

Five.
Four.
Three.
Two.
One.

The ball drops and fireworks. Resolutions are made.
People scream and people kiss and is it possible to change?
Is it really truly possible to leave the past behind?

Welcome to Midnight.

Another year comes to a close. Another year begins.
With a moment in between.
Why the fuss?
Why the fame and fireworks?
Is it more than hype? More than something else to sell us?
Is there something to this holiday? Something true inside it?
Because isn’t there something inside us that aches for change…
Dreams it to be possible…
To let go.
To hold on.
To leave it behind.
To start again.
To be new.
Is it possible?

If you’re reading this, if there’s air in your lungs, then you’re alive today tonight right now.
And who can know how long we have here…
And is it a gift? Was it ever a gift? Did that ever feel true or could that one day feel true?
Are there things to fight to live for?
Moments and people. Weddings and children and all your different dreams.
Love.
Is your life more than just your own?
And are there broken things you were made to fight to fix?
Broken families, broken friends… Injustice.
Will you move for things that matter?

Wouldn’t it be nice if change took just a moment?
Wouldn’t it be nice if it were that easy?
Midnight and we’re new. Midnight and the past erased. Midnight and we’re free.

It seems to come slow. It seems to be a surgery.
Forgiveness. Healing. Sobriety. Letting go. Starting over.
It seems to happen slowly over time.
One day at a time, the choice made new each morning.
Will you fight?
Will you fight to be healthy?
Will you fight to be free?
Will you fight for your story?
Will you fight to get the help you need?

Change takes more than a moment, but maybe there’s also something to this celebration of a moment, something to the way it speaks to us, something to the way we fear it, and dream it to be true. Maybe it’s the most honest moment of the year.

It’s possible to change.

Welcome to Midnight.

Here’s to the possibilities.

Peace to You.
jamie

p.s. – What do you hope to leave behind in 2016? What do you hope to find in 2017? Join the conversation at #welcometomidnight on Twitter and Instagram.

Taken from https://twloha.com/blog/welcome-midnight/. All credit to Jamie of To Write Love On Her Arms.

Welcome to Midnight…

The post above is one I’ve looked through repeatedly in the past few days. TWLOHA is an amazing organisation sparking the hard conversations around mental illness, self harm, and suicide. Welcome to Midnight is a New Year’s reflection with a difference, it acknowledges the hard truth that the promise of a New Year isn’t something that sparks joy in all people.

New Year’s is a time of reflection. Looking back at all the things we did or didn’t achieve, fulfilled hopes, broken promises, joy and heartbreak. It is also a time for refresh. Resolutions we set out with good intentions. Hopes, dreams, desires we finally believe we can find. We promise ourselves the world, and all of the happiness we can grasp from it. But change is never easy. No matter how good our intent, or how strong our initial enthusiasm. Change does not come in a quick and painless instant. It takes work and time, battling each our own familiar darkness.

This is my reflection on 2016, it’s highs and it’s lows, as I wait for the bells to toll and 2017 to take it’s place.

So what am I hoping to leave behind in 2016?

Normally I’d say all of it, but actually this year had a load more good parts than I’ve come to expect. So I guess, what I’d like to leave behind as we cross into 2017 are my poor expectations, the constant fear that something is about to go majorly wrong, the inability to look at myself without seeing countless flaws that aren’t really there. I’d like to leave the hurt, and the pain, the disappointment. I’d like to leave behind all the bad parts that paint shadows over the amazing wonderful things that have happened this year.

If that’s what I’d leave behind, then what do I hope to find in 2017?

Honestly I have no idea. There’s many things I’d like to achieve in the next 365 days (#Project365), but what I hope for is more of the things that make me happy. The little things that make me content with being me, that make me smile, that make me want to wake up each day and continue fighting through that familiar darkness until there’s nothing but light. My hope is undefinable, without limit, not confined to a single idea.

There you have it. Welcome to my midnight.

Kerry-Mae D.

P.S. I’m going to be posting a lot more regularly (I recently went through and deleted some posts I no longer felt should be on here), and I’ll be explaining what #Project365 is very soon  (i.e. tomorrow… hopefully).

Happy New Year everybody, I hope 2017 brings you all your hopes.

That’s me done for the year!

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Author:

Hi! My name is Kerry-Mae, and I live near Manchester, UK. I mostly post on my Diary of a Nervous Girl personal blog, although I have another creative blog called Wicked Lovely Creations. Almost everything I post currently is related to a personal journey through mental illness, having lived with severe anxiety disorder from early childhood.

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